I asked Jami to talk with and write a letter to our kids that states, “Death is not an excuse for failure or bad behavior…” - This is an excerpt from her journal:
Embrace your new life - say things like Mom would be proud, or Mom was funny, or Mom could be annoying when she bugged me about my friends, or Mom would not want me to do this, or what would Mom think? All of those thoughts are good…be sad when I miss milestones like college move in, engagements, weddings, new jobs, breakups….you just CANNOT STAY THERE or use my loss as an EXCUSE for bad behavior. Get help. Acknowledge you may need some antidepressants or anti anxiety pills, or counseling, or a run or swim at the gym. YOU DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION TO USE MY DEATH AS AN EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR and DECISION MAKING. No.
If you find that drugs or drinking or bad decisions or other addictions are becoming easy for you to fall back on….to cover the hurt….then GET HELP. Your life…you living out your dreams is my reward. I will be there to see you through….just quietly as a heavenly bystander….patiently waiting for you to figure it all out. Because, I KNOW HOW I RAISED YOU and YOU CAN DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT.